7:05 p.m. - 2004-12-08
sweat
I'm writing an awful lot today. Usually I lay in my bed and write in my Journal or draw in a sketchbook.

Lately I've been staying awake for longer periods of time and writing on the keyboard or using Photoshop.

I love looking at various websites. People are so smart and funny and I wish to be that way too. Oh well, crawl before walk. I can imagine all sorts of wonderful things but must be happy with what I actually do.

Otherwise I will be back in fetal position with my covers over my head. I figure something deep inside me must be healing, so all the inner work has been for a good cause.

Thank you, oh great web gods, for the new slant on life. I love this stuff. Actually I am getting more exercise just because I am vertical rather than recumbent.

I figure by the summer I will be going for bike rides and dancing. The guys want me to go to capoeira and so I shall. I started to learn it out in Santa Cruz. I think it is beautiful.

I'm very happy not to have anyone telling me to buck up or to get over myself or grow up, etc. I am giving myself lots of encouragement. It's hard not to criticize myself but the guys call me on it and gently mock me for it.

They tell me lots of good stuff, too, like when I do something cool. Sometimes I realize they are speaking as if to a little kid, "hey that's very GOOD" But I don't care.I bask in the approval.

They are all at capoeira right now T and B worked landscaping today and S and C worked with J putting in new walls and stairs, which is quite the project.

I find them altogether admirable.

This afternoon I was playing all Zepplin all hour long. J said that he wished his mom was into Zep. He said she hates rock and roll. I'd imagine she' be around my age so I find this strange. I guess I'm a bit retarded or trashy, but, hey. I likes what I likes. No matter what this seems to say about me, it is what it is and that is that. So there.

Often, when alone,I play Led Zepplin or AC/DC or the Stones and jump and prance around, hoping nobody can see a fat old lady acting goofy. But a big part of me seems to be, maybe 5 or 3 or something, and really gets off on this stuff. Bigtime. LOUD. And sweaty.

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