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5:08 p.m. - 2005-09-19
laboring
September 19, 2000
. When I write in my notebook with a pen then the words begin to grow and blossom and turn into pictures and eventually my inner being feels loose and warm and natural movement begins and the next thing you know I am dancing.When Iwrite on a keyboard it feels very linear and uncreative.
Anyway the big backhoe project is still ongoing. They've run into a rock layer so now some adjustments must be made. This is pretty impresssive. Big changes.
I am trying to relax into it. My whole being is in protest of this project. My self wants nothing to do with it. I just want to go within and work on healing. That is my task and I actually want to go live somewhere else so I don't have to deal with this thing.I feel like they think I am good for nothing because I don't want to work It makes my body hurt. I don't care if Patty loves doing it. I am not Patty. I am me. Yes she is wonderful but I am wonderful too in my own way and I hate feeling like I am less valuable a person just becayse I have no taste for operating machinery.

 

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